At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
