I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
