So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
and you fell through a lawn chair
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
