You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
PANTIES FOUND
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
