A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't deserve a penis
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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