I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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