Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
