Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
