forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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