wanna go halves on a baby?
one two three fourrrrnication!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
