You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I queefed so loud it echoed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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