i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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