He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
