New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize