I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
