my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
