You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We left the knife in your bed.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize