I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
