We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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