So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
