He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
