We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize