So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
