I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
