She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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