I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
