you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
