On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My balls are so social today.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
