I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
