You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
