Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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