billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
