Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
