6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
