she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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