we're blogging at a bar
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
