My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there's paper in my vomit.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
