I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
