As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
