U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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