Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
