I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
