Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
