im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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