Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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