I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
