so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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