he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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