You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
