I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
