Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
