YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize