I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
