i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
