my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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