she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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