the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
