I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
