im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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