I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Sober January is a disaster.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
