New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
