Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
