You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Pants are for mortals
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
