I could make wine with my vomit
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm getting married
To pizza
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
