that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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