she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
