That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
